The following is an illustrative everyday example, offered to help us explore the three BYTS principles.
You begin the morning with good intentions. Today, you’ll be patient, finish an important task, and give the people you love your full attention.
Then life happens.
You get a late start. Something takes longer than expected. Someone asks a question at the wrong moment, and you respond more sharply than you intended.
By lunchtime, you’re tempted to say, “Well, I’ve already ruined today. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
But the day isn’t over. There is still a choice in front of you.
Be Your True Self: Choose your next response
Being your true self means choosing to act according to your best values, even when your first impulse points somewhere else.
In this moment, taking the higher road might mean returning to the person you snapped at and saying:
“I spoke harshly earlier. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
You don’t have to feel cheerful before you can respond respectfully. You can acknowledge your frustration and still choose what you do with it.
An apology won’t erase what happened. It can begin the work of repair.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Be honest about your responsibilities
Perhaps you also promised to complete something that another person is counting on.
If you can still do it, follow through. If you can’t, communicate rather than leaving that person to discover the problem later.
“I’m behind, and I won’t finish by the time we agreed. Here’s what I can realistically do. How will that affect you, and what can we work out?”
FAIR includes their needs as well as yours. A revised agreement should give both people a voice.
It also helps to examine the expectations you place on yourself. Taking responsibility for a mistake is useful. Deciding that one mistake makes you a failure gives you little direction for what to do next.
Take Care of the Goose: Notice what needs care
Before pushing harder, pause long enough to ask what needs attention.
Have you been neglecting rest? Does someone need you to listen? Is an important responsibility repeatedly getting squeezed into whatever time is left?
Taking care of the goose includes caring for yourself and the relationships and resources that sustain your life.
Sometimes the next responsible step is to finish a task. Sometimes it is to ask for help, take a needed break, or make a more realistic plan.
People—including you—deserve care beyond what they accomplish.
A better choice can happen today
Imagine how this day could continue.
You apologize without making excuses. You discuss the unfinished commitment honestly. You put your phone aside long enough to listen to someone you love.
The morning still happened. Some consequences may still need attention. Yet you have begun responding differently.
That is a practical way to bring the three principles together: choose your best values, work toward fairness, and care for what sustains you.
Try this today
Choose one moment you wish you had handled differently.
Ask yourself:
- What would being my true self look like now?
- Is there a responsibility or agreement I need to honor, clarify, or repair?
- Who or what needs care—including myself?
Then take one manageable step.
What is one choice you can make today that reflects the person you want to be?
—Wayne Schmidt
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