Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!
Blog
-
Welcome to the Be Your True Self Movement
Everyday choices. Stronger relationships. A better world.
Welcome to the Be Your True Self Movement.
This movement began in 2008 as a family motto: Be Your True Self—BYTS. It encourages us to choose our best values and actions, even when doing so requires effort, sacrifice, an honest conversation, or a step outside our comfort zone.
BYTS is connected with two other principles:
Be Your True Self
Pause and ask, “What would my best self do in this situation?” Then choose one action that reflects your values.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR
Fairness should be understood by the people involved. In families, friendships, workplaces, teams, and communities, we can define fair expectations, practice accountability, and seek outcomes that create a genuine win/win.
Take Care of the Goose
Aesop’s fable reminds us that the goose must be cared for if it is going to continue producing golden eggs. The “goose” in our lives may be a person, relationship, family, home, education, job, church, vehicle, or community. Caring for what sustains us helps preserve the benefits we hope to receive.
Through this website, we will share stories, real-life experiences, practical examples, and thoughtful questions about applying these principles in everyday life. Our plan is to share a new message each week, with occasional additional posts.
Everyone is welcome, regardless of faith or background. You are invited to read, reflect, share your own experience, and consider one useful next step.
You can also subscribe for free to receive new stories by email, share an experience with the movement, or nominate someone whose actions demonstrate these principles.
We hope these conversations help each of us make choices that strengthen our relationships, communities, and world.
-
A Small Pause Changed Our Family Meeting
A personal family experience shared by the BYTS Movement’s founder, using the credit name “Grateful.”
I was trying to hold a family council with my wife and children. Our children were being rambunctious, and it was becoming difficult for our meeting to happen.
Remembering BYTS, I called a time-out.
I asked our children to go into the closet under the stairs, leave their “natural selves” there, and come back as their “true selves.”
They went in noisy and rowdy. As each came back out to our living room, my wife and I were amazed. They returned with their arms folded and sat down quickly and quietly, ready for our family meeting.
From that point, we had a productive family council.
A shared idea became a shared reset
For our family, BYTS gave us a familiar way to pause and begin again. The children understood the picture of setting aside the impulses that were getting in the way and choosing a different response.
That moment reminded me how useful a shared understanding can be. It helped us in that situation; it does not mean every child, family, or difficult moment will respond the same way.
The principle behind the moment
Be Your True Self invites us to consider how we want to show up in the role we are fulfilling. In a family conversation, that may mean listening, taking turns, or preparing to participate.
The setting was part of our family’s story. The useful idea to consider is a shared pause and a chance to choose the next response. Families can find their own comfortable, respectful way to do that.
A question to consider
What shared word, picture, or reminder could help your family pause and begin again when a conversation gets difficult?
—Grateful
Illustration represents this family experience; it is not an actual photograph.
-
The Courage to Say “I Don’t Understand Yet”
The following is an illustrative example of how the three BYTS principles can apply to education and learning at any age.
You are learning something new. It might be a subject at school, a computer program at work, or a skill you have wanted to develop for years.
The explanation moves quickly. Other people nod. You nod too—but somewhere along the way, you lost the thread.
You hesitate to ask a question. “What if everyone else understands? What if I look foolish?”
So you stay quiet. Later, when you try the task on your own, you are still stuck.
What would choosing your true self look like in this moment?
Be Your True Self: Be honest about where you are
Being your true self does not require already knowing the answer. It can mean having the courage to say, “I don’t understand this part yet.”
A useful question might be: “I followed the first step, but I’m not sure how you reached the second. Could we work through that together?”
You name the gap instead of hiding it. Then you give yourself a place to begin.
The higher road here is honesty and willingness to learn. Asking for help can be part of that effort.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Understand the expectations
Suppose you are working on a group assignment. One person assumes everyone understands the task. Another expects a teammate to finish the difficult parts. A third is unsure what help is allowed.
Before frustration builds, discuss the expectations: Who is responsible for each part? When is it due? What resources or assistance are permitted? What should someone do if they get stuck?
Keep your commitments and follow the course or training rules. If you need an adjustment, ask rather than quietly changing the agreement.
FAIR also means making room for different learning needs. Treating people fairly may involve different forms of support while maintaining clear, appropriate standards.
Take Care of the Goose: Care for the learner and the learning process
Your education, learning tools, and relationships with teachers or mentors need attention. So do you.
In this example, care might mean setting aside a manageable practice period, organizing your materials, or asking for feedback before a misunderstanding becomes a habit.
It also means recognizing your limits. Exhaustion and shame are poor foundations for learning. A pause, a different explanation, or additional support may help you take the next step.
Your worth is greater than a grade, a certificate, or how quickly you master a skill.
If you are the one teaching
How do you respond when someone admits they are confused?
“Thank you for asking. Show me where you got stuck” invites a conversation. Ridicule can discourage the next question.
Encourage questions, explain expectations, and offer practical feedback. Keep appropriate boundaries around your time and role. Supporting a learner does not mean doing all their work for them.
Try this week
Choose one thing you are learning. Identify a specific point you do not understand, then ask a question or seek an appropriate resource.
Afterward, try applying what you learned. Notice what became clearer and what still needs practice.
Not every question will receive a helpful answer immediately. If needed, look for another suitable source of support.
Where could saying “I don’t understand yet” help you take an honest next step?
—Wayne Schmidt
-
Speak Up Before the Deadline
The following is an illustrative example of how the three BYTS principles can apply to work and leadership.
It is Thursday afternoon. Your team has promised to finish a customer’s order by Friday.
Then a shipment arrives late. There is more work remaining than expected, and one coworker is absent.
You suspect the deadline is slipping. But you hesitate to say anything.
“Maybe we can still pull it off. I don’t want to sound negative—or look like I can’t handle my job.”
So you keep working and hope someone else notices.
That response is understandable. Yet waiting may leave everyone with fewer choices. What would taking the higher road look like here?
Be Your True Self: Tell the truth early
Being your true self at work includes honesty about what you can realistically deliver.
You approach your supervisor:
“The late shipment and our staffing today have put Friday’s deadline at risk. Here is what is finished and what remains. Could we review the priorities together?”
You bring facts, acknowledge uncertainty, and ask for a decision while there is still time to act.
That conversation may feel uncomfortable. But raising a concern responsibly can be part of doing your job well.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Make the expectations clear
The team reviews the remaining work. Can another task wait? Is qualified help available? Could the customer accept a partial order first?
Instead of simply saying, “Everyone needs to work harder,” the supervisor clarifies who will do what, which standards must be maintained, and when the team will check progress.
If the original promise cannot be met, someone takes responsibility for informing the customer promptly and discussing workable alternatives.
Aiming for WIN/WIN does not guarantee that everyone gets everything they wanted. It means honestly considering the people affected and seeking the fairest workable response.
Take Care of the Goose: Protect what makes good work possible
The people, equipment, customer relationships, and working practices that sustain the business all need care.
Rushing carelessly, skipping necessary maintenance, or repeatedly expecting exhausted employees to rescue unrealistic plans can damage those foundations.
Sometimes an extra effort is reasonable. But recurring emergencies deserve a better plan.
And employees matter beyond what they produce. Their safety, dignity, and lives outside work deserve consideration.
Leaders help determine whether people speak up
A supervisor who says, “Thank you for telling me early. Let’s look at our options,” makes honest communication easier.
A supervisor who punishes every report of a problem may teach people to hide the next one.
Employees still have responsibilities. Leaders also have a responsibility to make concerns discussable and respond to them fairly. A dependable workplace needs both.
Try this week
Think about one commitment at work—or in a volunteer role—that needs attention.
What facts should you share? Which expectations need clarification? What practical option could you bring to the conversation?
If you lead others, consider how you respond when someone brings you difficult news.
What conversation could you have today that would give everyone more choices tomorrow?
—Wayne Schmidt
-
A Quiet Friend May Need a Different Kind of Friendship
The following is an illustrative example of how the three BYTS principles can apply to friendship and community.
You send a friend a message. No reply.
A few days later, you try again. Still nothing.
You begin wondering: “Why am I always the one reaching out? If this friendship mattered, wouldn’t they make an effort?”
It is understandable to feel hurt. But silence leaves room for a story—and the story we tell ourselves may be missing important information.
Your friend might be overwhelmed, caring for a family member, or struggling with something they have not shared. They might also have different expectations about staying in touch.
You do not know yet.
What would it look like to approach this moment through the three BYTS principles?
Be Your True Self: Choose curiosity before judgment
Being your true self can mean pausing before turning disappointment into an accusation.
Instead of sending, “Apparently you don’t care about our friendship,” you could write:
“Hey, I haven’t heard from you lately. I hope you’re doing okay. I miss talking with you. When you have a chance, I’d love to catch up.”
This gives your friend room to respond without requiring you to pretend you have no feelings.
Choosing the higher road does not mean ignoring hurt. It means expressing it in a way that leaves room for understanding.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Talk about what each person needs
Suppose your friend replies:
“I’m sorry. Things have been difficult lately, and I haven’t had much energy to talk.”
Now you have information you did not have before.
You might say:
“Thank you for telling me. I don’t need an immediate reply every time. But when I hear nothing for a long stretch, I start wondering whether you want to stay connected. What would work for both of us?”
Perhaps you agree that a short message—“Busy week, but thinking of you”—is enough when a longer conversation is not possible.
Friendship does not require a formal agreement about every interaction. But recurring disappointment is often a reason to discuss expectations that have remained unspoken.
FAIR does not have to mean equal numbers of texts or exactly equal effort every week. It does mean that both people’s needs matter and both can speak honestly.
Take Care of the Goose: Give the friendship attention
A friendship can be one of the “geese” we care for: a relationship that brings companionship, trust, and shared joy.
It needs attention beyond the moments when we want something.
Sometimes care looks like listening. Sometimes it means inviting someone for a walk, remembering an important day, or offering specific help:
“I’m going to the store tomorrow. Would picking something up for you help?”
Ask rather than assume. The help you want to give may be different from the help your friend needs.
And remember: your friend matters as a person, even when they have little to give in return.
Care also includes boundaries
Understanding someone’s circumstances does not require accepting a pattern that continually hurts you.
You can care about a friend and say:
“I value our friendship, but I can’t keep making plans that are canceled without notice. Let’s choose something we can both realistically commit to.”
If someone repeatedly dismisses your needs or refuses to discuss them, you may need to change how much you invest in the relationship.
A friendship can have seasons of uneven effort. Over time, however, it needs room for both people to be heard and cared for.
Try this week
Think of one friend you have been meaning to contact—or one whose silence you have been interpreting.
Ask yourself:
- What am I assuming that I have not checked?
- What would a kind, honest message sound like?
- Is there an expectation we need to discuss?
- What care can I offer without promising more than I can give?
Then take one small step.
Who could you reach out to this week with curiosity, honesty, and care?
—Wayne Schmidt
-
We Both Thought We Were Being Fair
The following is an illustrative example of how the three BYTS principles can apply to marriage and family life.
Dinner is over. The kitchen needs cleaning, the children need help getting ready for bed, and both spouses are tired.
One starts washing dishes. The other sits down.
Before long, frustration surfaces.
“Why am I always the one finishing everything?”
“I’ve been working all day. I thought I could finally take a break.”
“So have I.”
Both feel overlooked. Both believe their expectations are reasonable. Yet neither knows exactly what the other expected tonight.
When FAIR hasn’t been defined together
One spouse may think fairness means dividing each evening’s tasks equally. The other may think it means considering everything each person has already done that day.
Those differences matter.
Paid work, childcare, household tasks, planning, and remembering what needs to happen can all require effort. Some contributions are easier to see than others.
If we leave our expectations unspoken, we can end up judging each other against agreements we never actually made.
Keeping your hand on FAIR begins with making those expectations clear.
Be Your True Self: Start with curiosity
In a tense moment, the easiest response may be to defend yourself or list everything your spouse has failed to do.
Taking the higher road might begin with a different question:
“What has today been like for you?”
Then listen long enough to understand the answer.
You can also explain your own experience:
“I’m worn out, too. When you sat down while I kept working, I felt alone with what still needed to happen.”
Being your true self includes speaking honestly and respectfully. Your needs belong in the conversation.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Make an agreement both understand
Once both people have been heard, the conversation can become more specific.
What needs doing tonight? What can wait? What can each person realistically take on? How can both get some rest?
Perhaps they agree that one will handle the kitchen while the other helps the children get ready for bed. Afterward, both will stop for the evening.
Another night may require a different arrangement.
FAIR doesn’t always mean identical tasks or equal minutes. It means an arrangement both can freely discuss and accept, with each person’s needs and contributions taken seriously.
The agreement should also include responsibility for noticing, planning, and following through. Otherwise, one person may still carry the work of managing everything.
Take Care of the Goose: Care for the relationship
A home needs practical work. A marriage also needs attention, appreciation, and time together.
If every conversation becomes a negotiation over chores, the relationship itself can get neglected.
Taking care of the goose might mean noticing a contribution that usually goes unmentioned:
“Thank you for handling that today. I know it took effort.”
It might mean making room for rest or spending a few minutes together without discussing the next task.
Appreciation matters. So does a workable division of responsibilities. Both deserve attention.
Revisit the agreement as life changes
An arrangement that worked last month may need to change when schedules, health, or family responsibilities change.
A brief check-in can help:
“Does what we agreed still feel fair to both of us? What needs adjusting?”
If someone didn’t follow through, acknowledge it and discuss what would help repair the situation. If the agreement was unclear or unrealistic, clarify it together.
One respectful conversation may help, but lasting fairness also requires consistent action from both people. If one person repeatedly refuses to listen or share responsibility, clearer wording alone won’t resolve the problem.
Try this together
Choose one recurring responsibility that causes frustration.
At a calm time:
- Explain what each of you currently expects.
- Listen for work or pressures you may have overlooked.
- Agree on who will take responsibility for what.
- Choose a time to check whether the arrangement is working.
Where in your relationship might you be assuming you agree on FAIR—and what conversation could help you define it together?
—Wayne Schmidt
-
Your Next Choice Matters More Than a Perfect Day
The following is an illustrative everyday example, offered to help us explore the three BYTS principles.
You begin the morning with good intentions. Today, you’ll be patient, finish an important task, and give the people you love your full attention.
Then life happens.
You get a late start. Something takes longer than expected. Someone asks a question at the wrong moment, and you respond more sharply than you intended.
By lunchtime, you’re tempted to say, “Well, I’ve already ruined today. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
But the day isn’t over. There is still a choice in front of you.
Be Your True Self: Choose your next response
Being your true self means choosing to act according to your best values, even when your first impulse points somewhere else.
In this moment, taking the higher road might mean returning to the person you snapped at and saying:
“I spoke harshly earlier. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
You don’t have to feel cheerful before you can respond respectfully. You can acknowledge your frustration and still choose what you do with it.
An apology won’t erase what happened. It can begin the work of repair.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR: Be honest about your responsibilities
Perhaps you also promised to complete something that another person is counting on.
If you can still do it, follow through. If you can’t, communicate rather than leaving that person to discover the problem later.
“I’m behind, and I won’t finish by the time we agreed. Here’s what I can realistically do. How will that affect you, and what can we work out?”
FAIR includes their needs as well as yours. A revised agreement should give both people a voice.
It also helps to examine the expectations you place on yourself. Taking responsibility for a mistake is useful. Deciding that one mistake makes you a failure gives you little direction for what to do next.
Take Care of the Goose: Notice what needs care
Before pushing harder, pause long enough to ask what needs attention.
Have you been neglecting rest? Does someone need you to listen? Is an important responsibility repeatedly getting squeezed into whatever time is left?
Taking care of the goose includes caring for yourself and the relationships and resources that sustain your life.
Sometimes the next responsible step is to finish a task. Sometimes it is to ask for help, take a needed break, or make a more realistic plan.
People—including you—deserve care beyond what they accomplish.
A better choice can happen today
Imagine how this day could continue.
You apologize without making excuses. You discuss the unfinished commitment honestly. You put your phone aside long enough to listen to someone you love.
The morning still happened. Some consequences may still need attention. Yet you have begun responding differently.
That is a practical way to bring the three principles together: choose your best values, work toward fairness, and care for what sustains you.
Try this today
Choose one moment you wish you had handled differently.
Ask yourself:
- What would being my true self look like now?
- Is there a responsibility or agreement I need to honor, clarify, or repair?
- Who or what needs care—including myself?
Then take one manageable step.
What is one choice you can make today that reflects the person you want to be?
—Wayne Schmidt
-
Welcome to the Be Your True Self Movement.
Every day gives us choices about who we will be, how we will treat others, and what we will care for. The Be Your True Self Movement is a place to explore those choices together.
Three principles will guide our stories and conversations:
Be Your True Self. The easiest path is not always the one that reflects our best values. Sometimes being our true self means taking the higher road, even when it is uncomfortable.
Keep Your Hand on FAIR. In some situations, the rules are already clear. In others, people need to define fairness together, listen to one another, and work toward a win for everyone involved. An agreement may need to grow as circumstances change.
Take Care of the Goose. Good outcomes depend on what makes them possible. We can care for a spouse, friend, family, team, home, education, or even a car that gives us reliable transportation. When we neglect the source, the benefits often suffer too.
These principles connect. A choice to be our true self can help us act fairly. Fairness can strengthen a relationship. Caring for that relationship makes future good outcomes possible.
We’ll use ordinary situations—from friendship and family to work, school, faith, and personal growth—to make the ideas practical. I invite you to bring your questions and examples as this movement takes shape.
— Wayne Schmidt